[SCENE:  Food Lady enters the bedroom to find Gus on the bed covered by a mesh laundry hamper.]

Food Lady:  Uh. . . Gus?

Gus:  Shhhhhh. . . 

Food Lady:  What are you doing?

Gus:  Using my alien shield to protect me from that evil kitty from outer space who has invaded our cave.

Food Lady:  What are you talking about?

Gus:  You haven't seen him?  He looks like a long haired tuxedo with a fluffy tail.  He's been wandering around the cave all morning.  I've had a few close calls, but so far he hasn't been able to abduct me.

Food Lady:  Are you talking about your brother Argie?

Gus:  No.  Sadly, I haven't see Argie all day.  Not since you put him in the Dr. Pokey Needle bag this morning.  I think the aliens must have gotten him.  Feel free to continue putting food in his dish though, just in case.

Food Lady:  Gus, the alien is your brother.  Trust me.

Gus:  Then an alien must be inhabiting his body.  I saw this on TV once.  It can happen!  I know it's not Argie because he smells different.

Food Lady:  He just smells like Dr. Pokey Needle's office.  I had to take him in today to get his thyroid levels checked.  It will wear off soon and you will see that there are no aliens invading our apartment.

Gus:  Are you sure you want to take that chance?  I'd find an alien protector shield soon if I were you.  

Food Lady:  I'm willing to risk it.

Gus:  Well in that case, I'd like to get a few meals in advance to tide me over, just in case Alien Argie eats your brain or something.  You can just put them all here under my alien protector shield.

Food Lady:  I think maybe an alien did get you after all. . . 

[SCENE:  Gus and Argie are curled up on the cat chair.  Gus is asleep, Argie is sulking.  The front door opens and Food Lady enters.  She goes down the hall toward the kitchen and then suddenly notices the cats on their chair.  She double-takes and then backtracks to stand in front of them.  Gus wakes up and yawns at her.]

Food Lady:  Um, hi.

Gus:  Oh, hi, Food Lady.

Food Lady:  You're back.

Gus:  Yep.

Food Lady:  I didn't know you were getting back today.

Gus:  Neither did we.

Food Lady:  We haven't seen you since May.  You didn't call, you didn't write.  Food Dude and I were worried sick!

Gus:  Not true!  We sent you a postcard.

Food Lady:  No, you sent a postcard to all your adoring fans on CwC.  That doesn't count.

Gus:  Oh, well, our adoring fans depend on us for entertainment.

Food Lady:  Fine.  Did you at least have a good vacation?  And what's wrong with Argie?

Argie:  Gus totally ruined our vacation.

Gus:  That's not true!  We had a great vacation.

Argie:  No, you did.

Food Lady:  Where did you even go?

Gus:  Canada!

Food Lady:  Really?

Argie:  Yes.  Gus promised we could go visit Angel and Blair.  But then he wanted to make one little detour to a salmon farm he'd heard about and we ended up lost in the wilderness for four months.

Gus:  Who knew Canada was so big?

Food Lady:  That's terrible!

Argie:  I know!  I didn't even get to see Angel!!

Gus:  And I didn't even get to eat the salmon!

Argie:  You got to eat plenty of salmon.

Gus:  Yeah, that I had to get for myself.  Totally not cool.  

Argie:  You know panthers hunt for themselves, right?

Gus:  Not tuxedo panthers.  They eat fresh salmon served on a silver platter by their human servants.

[Argie sighs and lays his head back down, continuing to sulk.]

Gus:  Speaking of getting fed, I'm hungry.

Food Lady:  Of course you are.  Com'on, I'll get you some cat food.

Gus:  Cat food?  Wtf?  What happened to fresh salmon on a silver platter?

Food Lady:  It's cat food or nothing, buddy.

Gus:  Do I at least get it on a silver platter?

Food Lady:  Your food bowl mat is kind of pearly looking in the right light. Will that work?

Gus:  I suppose.  But with this kind of treatment, don't be surprised if I go back to Canada again.

Food Lady:  Are you coming, Argie?

Argie:  I am too melancholy to make it to the kitchen.  Can you bring my food to the cat chair please?  And feed it to me one kibble at a time?

Food Lady (shaking her head and smiling):  It's good to have you back, boys.

Dear Adoring Fans,

Life is good here on the beaches of Kitty City where the martunies are flowing like water and every nap is in the sun.  We are looking forward to coming back all nice and refreshed in a couple months to entertain all of you with more ultimate cattery.

Food Lady recently shared with us that she'd been tagged in a game of Blog Tag by Angel and Blair's Mom and do you know she actually didn't want to play?  Food Lady can be such a party pooper sometimes.  Tag is like the most awesome game there is.  So we decided to take a little break from our vacation and play in her place.  There are rules I suppose, something about answering six questions and then tagging some pals. Yeah, we're cats, so we don't follow rules so well, but we hope you enjoy the following anyway.

Do you think you're hot?
Um, seriously? Do you have to ask?  Let us clarify.  We're Tuxedo cats.  Yeah, that makes us like the James Bond of felines.  So, what do you think?  But in case you're still not sure, we'll give you a visual reminder of how fabulous we really are.

Upload a picture or wallpaper you're using at the moment.
The only use we have for your human technology is for gaining more fame and adoration via the interwebz.  However, we do enjoy looking at these two cuties as a reminder of how well our summer vacation is going so far.
























When was the last time you ate chicken?
We eat chicken every chance we get.  In fact, we're eating chicken right now.  The only time we're not eating chicken is when we're eating tuna, or shrimp or lobster or some other variety of tasty, tasty seafood.

The song(s) you listened to recently.

This song is awesome cuz it's true. Or it should be, at least.  It also happens to be the Kitty City Anthem and they play it like every day.

What were you thinking while doing this?
We have different answers for this one:

Gus -- I wonder if I can get some shrimp stuffed chicken after I finish my tuna stuffed chicken?

Argie --  I wonder what Angel would look like in a bikini?  Probably super HAWT.

Do you have any nicknames?  What are they?

Well, technically the names you all know us by are nicknames.  Our official names are Angus and Argyle, but you can see why we prefer Gus and Argie.  However, in addition to those, we also each have the following nicknames:

Gus -- Mush Mush, Monkey Cat, Swat Monkey, Mushinator, and Gustopher

Argie -- Argiemuffin, Argiefluff, Sharktail, Fluffacat, and Megashark

Tag 8 blogger friends.

Um, we don't know how to count.  And we don't care to learn.  So we are just going to tag all our adoring fans (yes, if you are reading this, you are tagged).  If you want to play, post a link to your response in the comments here and we will come visit you and comment in return, even though we are on summer vacation.  We are especially interested in seeing your response if you are another cat.  If you are a cat in a bikini, even better.

Okay, we need to get back to our beach lounging.

Fluff and kitty kisses,
Gus and Argie

Dear Readers (aka ArGus' Adoring Fans):

Everyday recently I have set a goal for myself to update CwC.  I have ideas. . . a long list of them!  I have photos of ArGus doing awesome things.  They have reached new levels of cattery in recent weeks.  But the sad truth of the matter is that with changes in my schedule, I need to start making cuts to my extracurricular activities.  So, the kitties are taking a little summer vacation.  While they lounge on the beach sipping catnip-tinis, however, I plan to do a number of things such as. . .

1) Write more flash fiction
2) Work on my novel(s)
3) Earn enough money to pay my rent and keep the kitties rolling in the expensive cat food
4) Keep my personal blog updated
5) Buy a quality video camera to introduce live action CwC episodes
6) Write enough CwC episodes that I can come back here in September far enough ahead of the game that I will never have to take a hiatus from writing CwC ever again.

I love writing CwC! It's something that I started just for fun and it thrills me to no end that other people (aka crazy cat peoples) seem to enjoy it too.  However, sometimes a Food Lady has to prioritize.  So I hope you all have a fantastic summer and come back to visit us in the fall.  Watch my Twitter account for updates!

Luv and kitty kisses,

Food Lady, Food Dude, Gus & Argie

Dear Adoring Fans:

Food Lady has several loverly posts planned for you and will have a new one up tomorrow, with any luck.  In the meantime, Argie and I have been killing time on the interwebz looking for cats as awesome as us.  We found a couple that come close and thought we'd share them with you so your trip here was not for nothing.

Doctor Cat

Cat Versus Human

Okay, must get back to cattery.  We totally have a packed schedule today.

Love,

Gus

P.S.  Here is a picture of me being totally awesome.

Food Dude:  Sooo. . .

Gus:  Yeah?

Food Dude:  I don't suppose there is a reasonable explanation for this?

Argie:  For what?

Food Lady:  Uh, the window?

Gus:  It wasn't like that when you left this morning?

Food Dude:  I'm pretty sure we would have noticed.

Argie:  Huh.  No clue what happened there.  Maybe a doggy came in and broke it?

Food Lady:  You let a dog come into the apartment?

Gus: No, of course not.  He means, maybe a doggy was outside the window.  A mean, vicious, rabid dog that wanted to eat us.  He tried to break in.  We stopped him.  We're heroes!  We deserve cake!!!

Argie:  Yeah, cake!!

Food Dude:  If the dog was outside, how did the blinds get broken?

Gus:  Excellent question.

Food Lady:  With an excellent answer, I'm sure.

Argie:  Well, the doggy lunged at the window, see.

Gus:  That's how it broke.

Argie:  Yeah.  And he was clinging to the screen, right?

Gus:  Totally.

Argie:  And so the only thing we could do is make ourselves really big and puffy, and throw ourselves at the window to scare him off!

Gus:  Yeah, and it worked too!

Argie:  Only, the blinds may have gotten in the way a little bit.  It seems a small sacrifice to make considering we kept the mean, vicious, rabid doggy out of the cave.

Food Dude:  Uh huh.

Food Lady:  You seem to have an answer for everything.

Gus:  It is the honest truth.

Food Lady:  Well, then how do you explain the fact that this window isn't at ground level.  That dog must have jumped at least 10 feet to break it where he did.

Food Dude: And there is also the fact that dog claws are different than cats.  They can't cling to screens like you.

Argie:  Oh, well. . .

Gus:  Doggy?  Did we say doggy?  We meant squirrel.

Food Lady:  A squirrel did this?

Argie:  Not just any squirrel.

Food Dude:  Oh?

Gus:  No.  It was a giant mutant squirrel.  Also vicious and rabid.

Food Lady:  Well, then. A vicious, rabid, giant, mutant squirrel broke our window.

Food Dude:  That was actually more reasonable than I'd hoped for.

My name is Gus Gus
No need to fuss fuss
Nice to meet you
I wish to eat you
No way to fight that
Cuz I'm a panther cat!

Argie's my brother
He likes to hover
He's so fluffy
Tail's so puffy
He'd never eat you
He'd rather greet you
Out on the stairs
Rolling away cares

We love our Food Dude
He feeds us good food
Wet or kibble
No need to quibble
Paying homage
To all our nommage
We'll eat it all
No need to call
We'll be right there
Shedding hair

You're gonna love us
The Brothers Argus!

Food Lady:  Seriously, guys. I've been busy. The semester is almost over. I have novels to work on. I really haven't meant to neglect your blog lately. Besides, I am not so sure you've been as inspirational as you think.  Sure, the hover box thing was pretty brilliant, but after that? Just what have you done that is so blog worthy of late?

Argie:  Everything!

Gus:  Yeah, everything!

Food Lady:  Okay, what should I write about then?  How about when one of you puked on my computer charger?

Gus:  Well, maybe not that.

Food Lady:  Okay, how about the way you tip over the garbage if we leave it sitting out at night?

Argie:  No one needs to know that, obviously.

Food Lady:  Oooh, I know. How about when Food Dude and I went away overnight and left you extra food and one of you (Gus perhaps?) bolted down all the food and then threw up in no less than four places around the apartment?  That was fun times.

Gus:  Okay, okay, we get it. Calm down.  No need to be a grumpy puss. (And you can't prove that was me!)

Argie: Awwww, we're sorry we've been such evil kitties.

Food Lady:  No you aren't. It's what you do.  I'm sorry I haven't been doing my part to make you interwebz stars lately.

Gus:  Let's cuddle.  I need a good cuddle.

Argie:  Me too!

Food Lady:  Race you to the couch!

[SCENE:  The bedroom.  Argie and Gus both peek out from under the bed.]

Argie:  I think it is safe to come out.

Gus:  Are you sure?

Argie:  Yeah, I heard her go out the front door a few minutes ago.  I don't think she'll be back before dinner.

Gus:  Okay, let's get this over with.  We better take an inventory of the damage.

Argie:  Where do you want to start?

Gus:  The toy basket.

[Both cats creep out from under the bed.  The bedroom appears to be much neater than usual.  They cautiously walk out into the hallway and then the living room, constantly looking around them as if they are fearing a surprise attack of some sort. Finally they reach the toy basket by the cat tree. They inspect the contents.]

Argie:  Fishie!  I don't see Fishie!

Gus:  It's got to be here.  She wouldn't dare get rid of Fishie.  He's been your favorite for years.  And Aunt Kelly gave him to us for Catmas that one year.

Argie:  But I don't see him!

Gus:  Two of our mice are missing.  The ones where the fur was falling off the hard plastic part.  I don't see the tails we chewed off of them either.

Argie:  I see the giant rat is still here.  But no Fishie.

Gus:  He may turn up yet.

[Gus hops up on the cat tree.]

Argie:  How's the tree?

Gus:  She attacked it too.  It is remarkably lacking in cat hair.

Argie:  Did she use the suction thingy on it?

Gus:  Looks like it.

Argie:  Dang it.  We spent all winter getting it perfectly marked so no strange cats could come in and take it over.

Gus:  Food Lady must have no idea the amount of work she creates for us every time she decides it is time to clean house.

Argie:  I know.  Maybe we should have a talk with her.

Gus:  Are you ready for the kitchen?

Argie:  Oh, Ceiling Cat. . . you don't think she. . .

Gus:  Doesn't she always?

[Argie sighs and follows Gus into the kitchen.]

Gus:  OMG!  Gone!  It's all gone!

Argie:  What?

Gus:  You don't notice?

Argie:  Oh.  Our kibble dishes.

Gus:  Our kibble dishes.  Our wet dishes.  The place mats.  It's all gone!

Argie:  Wow, she really got into it this time.

Gus:  Do you know what this means?

Argie:  The extra flavor at the bottom of our dishes is gone?

Gus:  No.  SHE NEVER PLANS TO FEED US EVER AGAIN!  OMG!  IT'S OUR WORST NIGHTMARE REALIZED.

Argie:  You don't think you're overreacting?

Gus:  Well, you don't see our dishes do you?  How do you explain that?

[Argie hops up on the kitchen counter next to the sink.]

Argie:  Um, our dishes are up here.  Yep, all the extra seasoning is gone.

Gus:  Because Food Lady probably plans to put them in the cupboard and never feed us again.

Argie:  Ooooh, look!  I can see Fish from up here!

[Argie hops down and runs over to the microwave cart.  He squats down and paws a scrap of blue felt out from under the cart.]

Argie:  Oh, Fishie, I was so worried about you!!!  I am so happy you survived yet another Spring cleaning!

Gus:  Sure he did.  But will we survive until the next one?  What if Food Lady was serious when she said we needed to start pulling our own weight around here?

Argie:  I'm not worried.

Gus:  Why not?

Argie:  I weigh a lot less than you.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go put Fishie somewhere safer in case Food Lady is still in a cleaning mood when she gets back.